Derby Widows

Unlike the women of St. Louis, derby girls from San Francisco do not call call their derby husbands "derby daddies"  Instead, they refer to their spouses and partners as "derby widows." 

 I am in San Francisco right now visiting one of my best friends and favorite skaters, Rioters Block, because as most of you probably know, my husband Jeremiah took his own life last month.  I am a derby widow in the most literal sense,  but I had no idea the term was actually in use until now! When Rioters Block mentioned something about derby widows over breakfast today, my head snapped up from the bowl of oatmeal I was trying to eat and I gave her what I think was a pretty pathetic look. Derby daddies are derby widows? Really? Very ironic. Oatmeal, stay down.

I started this blog several years ago as a way to ruminate on all the challenges couples face when they decide to join derby. I say "they" because all the derby couples I have known participate in the sport together. Although female skaters might start the sport as a way to get exercise and gain new friends, I think it can safely be argued that derby usually becomes much more than just a casual way to socialize. Roller Derby invades the life of a marriage or partnership, and I have noticed that most couples spend time together either talking about derby or attending derby events.  Is the obsession with derby healthy for couples?

Now that my husband is gone, I think its more important than very to revisit my questions about derby, womanhood and marriage and really question what effects this sport is having on women and their relationships.

There aren't many things that make sense to me right now, but one thing did become clear to me over breakfast this morning.  Calling our partners "derby widows" as a joke is really problematic,  because we should probably be celebrating the life they actually bring to the sport. But maybe I am obsessing on the rhetoric of derby too much...

I guess this blog will also just be a space for me to contemplate my new role as a real derby widow. I have decided to not skate for rest of the 2010 season to think about what is want from the sport now that "Mr Fight" is no longer around.  I have many obstacles to overcome to keep playing. Certainly, I'll face physical challenges, as I have found that exercise is almost impossible these days. I am simply am too tired and get very little sleep. And, I'll certainly have financial challenges since I am paying bills on my own now and won't be getting any more sweet little gifts like wheels and tights.

But what most concerns me is my ability to play the sport without my biggest fan cheering me on in the sidelines and when I get home from practice each night. I think I took for granted the ways in which my derby daddy made it possible for me to play the sport. Hopefully, other derby women will learn from the experiences I'll share here in whatever way makes sense to their own derby relationships.