Maintaning Balance

The first week after my husband's death, I was not able to eat.  I can't remember most of that week, but I do recall looking into the mirrors of an elevator I was riding and seeing a skeleton version of myself through the sweatpants that I wore for a month straightt. I was wasting away under the stress of trying to plan a funeral, move out of my apartment, and contact family and friends to notify them of Jeremiah's death and quite honestly, eating nutritious food just didn't seem important when the rest of my life seemed to be falling apart.

Now that things have settled down, my appetite is back and larger than ever.  In fact, I can't stop eating and snacking on junk food all the time!  I have found that I want carbs the most-- french fries, chips, bread and anything white and starchy.  Even while writing this I am contemplating ordering deep dish pizza with extra sauce and pineapple.  And cheese.

I am pretty concerned with my shift in appetite and my overall lethargy when it comes to my diet. I know that given my circumstances, I should pamper myself and eat what I want right now, but I do want to stay in shape and healthy so I can start playing roller derby full force in August.  It really is quite amazing the damage a woman can do to her body and overally physical health in such a short period of time. I would be really dissapointed if I returned to the track out of shape and unable to perform as well as I want.

I have some other challenges when it comes to staying in shape. I don't sleep at night without the help of Ambien, which usually makes me groggy the next day. Given how tired I am, exercise is really difficult right now. I try to run but usually only make it a few miles before I'm spent and have to quit.

Additionally, I have found myself eating more and more meat products which I am sure does not help . I have been a vegetarian for several years now and I would eat the occasional seafood but never chicken, beef, or pork. But amidst all the chaos and relying on others to cook my meals, I have been eating meat because I am just too tired to even think about cooking for myself.  I even ate at Steak and Shake. Gag.

So, what are some simple ways to get back on track? Can anyone recommend foods they enjoy that are fast but packed with nutrition? Exercises that are easy but effective? Particular vitamins or supplements?

I need to take care of my physical health right now so that in time, my emotional health can be stronger too.  I know that underneath all my pain and stress right now (and that quickly growing little belly pooch) a fierce, athletic derby girl still exists.