What a Week

This week has been a really frustrating week for me. given me much to think about.

My derby adventures with the Betties did not work out as well as I would have liked. At my first practice with them, I discovered how very little they actually know about the game of roller derby. Since December,  they have spent most of their time learning how to skate on slick wooden floors without falling down, but don't really understand the rules or strategies of roller derby yet. 

They were perplexed when I explained to them that blocks, whips and pushes can be given mutiple ways; amused when I told them that blocking isn't, most of the time, just about throwing themselves against another player as hard as they can; and fascinated when I showed them how, when they are scrimmaging, they should always be annoying the piss out of their opposing skaters.

I mention all of this not because I was dissapointed with the development of the Betties, but actually because I was thrilled to be able to teach them something. Teaching is in my bones you know, so I left that first practice actually feeling giddy and envisioning myself sweeping in and showing these women what roller derby was all about. 

But, I guess my plans to train these women were just too big. I showed up for practice the next day only to find the doors to their practice space locked up and no derby girls in sight.  Apparenly, they do not show up to their practices regularly, and no one had bothered to let me know that practice was cancelled that night. And the next night, too.

So, its been over a week and as far as I know, the Betties still have not had a full practice.

I started thinking about why these women would fail to just show up for practice, because they did seem genuinely interested in skating.  I did, of course, come up with some theories about how resources and money affect their overall attitude towards the sport. One thing I noticed is that many of the women did not have the money to buy the proper gear to be able to skate, so practicing is a frustrating ordeal for them because they have to borrow knee pads, helmets, and even skates just to take the track.  While it only takes an average woman about 10 minutes to gear up, they take about 30 minutes because they are busy trying to find the right safety gear just to skate.

(But, I'm going to save my thoughts on the financial implications of active competition for another post, because right now I want to just share the dissapointments of my weeks and I rarely indulge myself with this kind of more personal post....)

While I was not skating this week, I was receiving phone calls from Jeremiah's creditors begging me to pay his debts. I had expected to start receiving these types of phone calls soon, but still I wasn't prepared for how invasive and demanding creditors can be when they want their money. I spent quite some time explaining to various creditors that no, I will not be sending them any money, and no, I have no assets of any kind to offer them. Those phone calls made me feel pretty pathetic. How can I be 28 and have no assets?  Um, let me reword that. How can I be this old have no financial assets, ha?

Perhaps the most upsetting part of the week was finding an answer for the crediors when they asked me who they were speaking to. My automatic response was "This is Jeremiah's wife."   After I hung up the phone, I realized that isn't actually a true statement. Legally, Jeremiah and I are no longer married.

But, I think its going to take me a really long time before I can introduce myself as something different, and I think that only in this week has the bitter sad truth of that statement really begun to sink in.